Pooparder Anti-Clockwise

Nothing like a little people watching when in a foreign land.  I was at a rather upscale Japanese restaurant the other night, dressed like a sweaty hobo of course, but that is besides the point as I am here to make fun of others and not myself.  But I digress.  Into the restaurant comes this blonde gentleman, a larger than life blonde gentleman. it seems he may have been a body building champion in the over 45 age category. He was popping right out of that tight little white v-neck shirt.  Covering his legs were a pair of those “god knows why they are back in fashion” ’80’s style jeans. he had them pulled up really high on his waist so they were pulled right up his crack, not a pleasant sight.  But as my eyes slowly went down from head toe I had to do a double take on the footwear because what I thought I saw just couldn’ be true, my eyes must be deceiving me. But no it was true, he really was wearing a pair of beach flip-flops with a  pair of socks, a pair of black socks with white spots. What was he thinking?  It is over 30 (86) degrees out there and humid as hell, you do not need socks with your flip-flops.

Now I never dreamed in the same night I could possibly see anything more bazaar on the fashion front than blondie with the sandal socks, but little did I know.  Back out on the streets walking aimlessly when I spotted an incoming homing beacon. Coming towards was an elderly male, maybe around 60, wearing a nice pair of black trousers, the type you might wear to work, a pair of dress shoes and a matching belt, all perfectly normal I hear you say. But then there was the what he had chosen to cover his abdomen.  A body hugging, super tight, fast wicking, bright orange running shirt.  Amazing! What was he thinking? Besides the damage to my eyes, the only regret I had was not taking a picture. Not even the guy that walked past me with his fly so wide open you could have landed a light aircraft in there could match lighthouse man.

So you want to strengthen your core, try and get that six pack, have a stomach tighter than Pete Sampras’ wallet. Well the conventional school of thought is you go to the gym, get your self a trainer and spend time working those muscles. Then there is my school of thought. I guess that would mean there are two schools of thought. My almost guaranteed solution to having the core you always wanted is a simple two step process. Step one: make yourself constipated, the how is up to you. Step two: go to the ivory throne and spend 15-30 minutes (you’ll gradually need to build up your time) and try your damnedest to push a sucker out. I think we all know which school will get results quicker.

And remember always consult your physician before embarking on any form of exercise and in the case of my program you will probably need to afterwards as well. Good luck.

Here in Hong Kong I went into a public toilet today and on the wall behind the toilet was a button with a sign underneath it “Push the button after use”. Problem was I wanted to flush the toilet before use (it had a bit of paper floating and a slightly murky water colour). I searched everywhere, but couldn’t find a before use button. And forget about a during use button, that would be a tale of science fiction. In this town where even thinking about thinking about spitting could get you a jail sentence and shacked up with drug dealers and a cell mate called Foo Fighter who tries to pimp you out, dare I push the post use button pre use? I think not.